Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy New Year!!
I had started this post with a really long, rambling rant (for lack of a better word) about a bunch of random crap from a long time ago. Then I deleted it. I started a second post that really was no better than the first...so I deleted that one, too.
So let me just say this; 2011 was good to me. There were a few bumps, goals that didn't come to fruition for various reasons, a really big fight with my best friend, a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. I started having some health problems that I'm still trying to get to the bottom of and the credit card had to be used more times than I had hoped.
But you know what else happened? I was there the moment my beautiful, sweet great-nephew was born on January 16th. I got to hold him within the first hour of his being on this big scary earth and I loved him before I even knew him.
I watched my BFF grow and blossom into a woman who is learning that it is OK to speak up for herself. She took some chances and has faced some scary things this year but she hasn't given up.
I watched my other BFF go from having a broken heart, to finding the man she was meant to be with, blending their families, and creating a beautiful little girl that I hope I get to watch grow into a beautiful woman.
I've realized that working in a factory is a lot more fun when you work with people who make you laugh and who listen when you have something to say. And while I've always been pretty lucky in who I've worked with, the group I have around me now I count as some of my best friends.
I realized that I'm perfectly fine with not having children. I enjoy working nights, sleeping in, and not having to find a babysitter if Randy and I want to go out. I love spoiling my dogs. And I love my life just as it is.
And most recently I learned that things may not always be as bad as you think they are. Reaching out to an old friend and finding out that I'm not hated for at one time being an over emotional girl. And while I'm sure the friendship will probably never be what it once was, that's OK. Because you see, I'm not who I once was and neither is he. I'm perfectly fine with starting this friendship anew and being content.
I am just as far from perfect as I was last New Years Eve. I have a list of goals that looks a whole lot like the list I had last year. I have questions about what I'm doing and where I'm going. But I'm a lot less anxious about 2012 than I was about 2011. I'm going to ENJOY this year. (Even if I AM turning, *gulp*, 30 in 1 month. I'm going to be a little less hard on myself while at the same time pushing myself a little more. And tomorrow I write the first page of my 2012 book. I'm excited to see who shows up in the next 365 pages...
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I'm Learning/These Are the Days
I'm learning a lot of things these days. Some exciting things...some that kind of rip your heart out, throw it on the floor, and squish it around with a big dirty foot.
I'm starting my own business people's! After years of being told I should be doing this, I'm finally going to. You're thinking to yourself "Yay! Finally she's going to do it!" But let me tell you something...I would not be doing this without the support, guidance, and blind faith of a few people who believe in this small town girl and her dream. These are people who I've only met in person a handful of times. People who live hundreds of miles away from me. People who have become an extension of my own family. They are willing to take time away from their families and their jobs to help this terrified country girl make a name for herself in this big ole world. I'm leaning that THESE are the moments we live for. The moments when someone says YOU WILL NOT FAIL BECAUSE I WON'T LET YOU. The moments when a perfect stranger reaches out to say "How can I help you?" The moments when a co-worker says "MY five year plan is based on YOUR five year plan. I'm not leaving you but I don't want to be here for another five years so get it done!"
And then there's, what I call quite simply, my haters. True, they probably don't hate me. True, they probably have a lot going on and just haven't found time to be supportive. True, I shouldn't let it bother me, but damn it, it does. I'm learning that it takes a lot more than sharing of blood to make a family. Learning that you can spend a lifetime trying to be perfect in every way and instead you end up bitter, jealous, and eventually, alone.
That's not me. I tell people that I'm proud of them. I give out high fives like I invented them. I say thank you, and please, and when the lady working at Subway says "Will that be all?" I say "Yes Ma'am." I want to see my friends shine! I want to see my family happy! But I'm learning that what I want for others isn't always what they want for me...or maybe it is and they choose not to say so. (Which, to me, is even sadder than wishing for the worst for someone.)
But guess what? I'm going to finish this post, pick up my little dog Molly who is sleeping at my feet, and sing and dance in my perfect little kitchen that smells like chocolate until my husband comes home from work. I'm going to tell him I love him and thank him for being such a hard worker and such a wonderful provider for our perfect little family. And tonight when we lay down, we're going to talk about my business and how SUCCESSFUL it's going to be. I'm not going to fail. Trip and stumble and cry and maybe even hide a little? Yes. But I wasn't born to fail. I was born to shine like white sugar crystals on a red velvet cake pop! ;)
I'm starting my own business people's! After years of being told I should be doing this, I'm finally going to. You're thinking to yourself "Yay! Finally she's going to do it!" But let me tell you something...I would not be doing this without the support, guidance, and blind faith of a few people who believe in this small town girl and her dream. These are people who I've only met in person a handful of times. People who live hundreds of miles away from me. People who have become an extension of my own family. They are willing to take time away from their families and their jobs to help this terrified country girl make a name for herself in this big ole world. I'm leaning that THESE are the moments we live for. The moments when someone says YOU WILL NOT FAIL BECAUSE I WON'T LET YOU. The moments when a perfect stranger reaches out to say "How can I help you?" The moments when a co-worker says "MY five year plan is based on YOUR five year plan. I'm not leaving you but I don't want to be here for another five years so get it done!"
And then there's, what I call quite simply, my haters. True, they probably don't hate me. True, they probably have a lot going on and just haven't found time to be supportive. True, I shouldn't let it bother me, but damn it, it does. I'm learning that it takes a lot more than sharing of blood to make a family. Learning that you can spend a lifetime trying to be perfect in every way and instead you end up bitter, jealous, and eventually, alone.
That's not me. I tell people that I'm proud of them. I give out high fives like I invented them. I say thank you, and please, and when the lady working at Subway says "Will that be all?" I say "Yes Ma'am." I want to see my friends shine! I want to see my family happy! But I'm learning that what I want for others isn't always what they want for me...or maybe it is and they choose not to say so. (Which, to me, is even sadder than wishing for the worst for someone.)
But guess what? I'm going to finish this post, pick up my little dog Molly who is sleeping at my feet, and sing and dance in my perfect little kitchen that smells like chocolate until my husband comes home from work. I'm going to tell him I love him and thank him for being such a hard worker and such a wonderful provider for our perfect little family. And tonight when we lay down, we're going to talk about my business and how SUCCESSFUL it's going to be. I'm not going to fail. Trip and stumble and cry and maybe even hide a little? Yes. But I wasn't born to fail. I was born to shine like white sugar crystals on a red velvet cake pop! ;)
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Missing You...
I've been missing some people lately. Not one person in particular, but that collective group of people who changed my life without even knowing it. The ones that were there, just for a second, before they had to go away again.
Some of them left because life was happening and it was just the logical next step. I've always said you can't grow by standing still...by letting the "what ifs" win out over the "I did's". So, to those of you who "did", I miss you, but I am so proud of you! I always knew you had it in you!
Some of them left because their purpose on this Earth was complete. I will never understand, or even pretend to know why it had to be so soon. All I know is I am so, so glad I was blessed to know you. Blessed to have called you my friend. To you I say thank you for being who you were while you were here...even if it was for just a moment.
And then there are those who left, then came back again, and then left AGAIN...over and over and over. The ones who always seemed to come back just when I thought I was "done". You know who I'm talking about. And even now, so many years later, they still manage to creep into your mind and loiter among your to-do lists and that song you've had stuck in your head for days. They come to you out of the blue in a dream, someone mentions their name in a random conversation, or maybe you swear you saw them driving out of a WalMart parking lot, in the same truck they drove 'back then', just as you were pulling in. Its almost like your own personal ghost that follows you around and shows itself just when you start thinking it can't be real...that it was never real.
But here's the thing...it was....WAS. It's easy to let ourselves be suffocated by a memory. It's easy to say "I wish things had ended differently". Easy to think that if you had just spoken up sooner or not said anything at all that you never would hurt. They were never that good for you, but still you justify all the heartache and tears by saying "they weren't ALL bad".
Here's a shocking bit of information...just because something isn't "all bad" doesn't make it sorta good. It doesn't mean that you should sit at home alone in your bedroom floor reading what he wrote in your yearbook forever ago. It doesn't mean you should blame yourself for loving him, him for not loving you back, his ex for "coming between you", or his mom for never approving.
It means you thank God for the parts that weren't all bad, and you thank Him even more for the parts that were. THOSE are the the things that made you into who you are today...and today you are amazing. Today you wouldn't let him do you wrong like he did then...so why let a memory suck the happiness out of your day? Today you are strong and independent, so why hang onto yesterday like it was all you have left in the world? Today you can say "I hope he's happy and I wish him the best" and really mean it.
So, I really mean it when I say miss you, I thank you, and I hope you are truly happy and that life is treating you well.
And when all else fails...fake it til you make it. :)
Some of them left because life was happening and it was just the logical next step. I've always said you can't grow by standing still...by letting the "what ifs" win out over the "I did's". So, to those of you who "did", I miss you, but I am so proud of you! I always knew you had it in you!
Some of them left because their purpose on this Earth was complete. I will never understand, or even pretend to know why it had to be so soon. All I know is I am so, so glad I was blessed to know you. Blessed to have called you my friend. To you I say thank you for being who you were while you were here...even if it was for just a moment.
And then there are those who left, then came back again, and then left AGAIN...over and over and over. The ones who always seemed to come back just when I thought I was "done". You know who I'm talking about. And even now, so many years later, they still manage to creep into your mind and loiter among your to-do lists and that song you've had stuck in your head for days. They come to you out of the blue in a dream, someone mentions their name in a random conversation, or maybe you swear you saw them driving out of a WalMart parking lot, in the same truck they drove 'back then', just as you were pulling in. Its almost like your own personal ghost that follows you around and shows itself just when you start thinking it can't be real...that it was never real.
But here's the thing...it was....WAS. It's easy to let ourselves be suffocated by a memory. It's easy to say "I wish things had ended differently". Easy to think that if you had just spoken up sooner or not said anything at all that you never would hurt. They were never that good for you, but still you justify all the heartache and tears by saying "they weren't ALL bad".
Here's a shocking bit of information...just because something isn't "all bad" doesn't make it sorta good. It doesn't mean that you should sit at home alone in your bedroom floor reading what he wrote in your yearbook forever ago. It doesn't mean you should blame yourself for loving him, him for not loving you back, his ex for "coming between you", or his mom for never approving.
It means you thank God for the parts that weren't all bad, and you thank Him even more for the parts that were. THOSE are the the things that made you into who you are today...and today you are amazing. Today you wouldn't let him do you wrong like he did then...so why let a memory suck the happiness out of your day? Today you are strong and independent, so why hang onto yesterday like it was all you have left in the world? Today you can say "I hope he's happy and I wish him the best" and really mean it.
So, I really mean it when I say miss you, I thank you, and I hope you are truly happy and that life is treating you well.
And when all else fails...fake it til you make it. :)
Monday, October 31, 2011
25 Things About Me
1. I am the youngest of 5 children and there is 12 years between myself and the next youngest...my brother.
2. I have 5 tattoos and I am not ashamed of them. Nor do I believe that I am damned to hell for having them.
3. To the best of my knowledge I have moved 27 times in my 29 years...maybe more that I can't remember.
4. I am straight up flaky about birthday cards. I buy them. I write in them. I even put stamps on them. And then 5 months later I find them at the bottom of a stack of magazines. I've tried to do better...it just isn't happening.
5. I shave the top of my toes.
6. I am a very proud member of the Smokin' Hot Mama Club... a facebook group of women from around the globe living life to the fullest and encouraging eacoher along the way. Best. Club. E.V.E.R.
7. I smoked (a LOT) for 10 years.
8. I've been smoke free since December 29th, 2010.
9. After believing for years that I didn't want to get married, EVER, I met Randy. We've been married for nearly 7 years now!
10. Though we have no children (and I'm finally OK with that) we do have four dogs. Junior, Zoe, Tucker, and my sweet little Molly. THESE are our children and believe me they know it.
11. I hate talking on the phone for the most part. I would much rather text, email, or even write a letter the old fashioned way with pencil and paper.
12. Black Friday is my 3rd favorite holiday after Thanksgiving and Christmas.
13. I am a Pepsi addict.
14. I work in a factory, but, I actually enjoy my job. I work with some of my very best friends and laugh almost all day.
15. My favorite color is pink. I even have a pink/black/zebra bathroom and it is beautiful!
16. I have not only participated in, but also finished, 2 half marathons. 13.1 miles baby!!! Planning on adding the 3rd and possibly 4th in 2012!
17. I have panic attacks while riding in cars. Mostly when we're on a major highway. I flip out and I'm not sure why.
18. Music moves me to my core. I love a song that makes me laugh or a song that rips my guts out or anything in between. I don't want to hear my music, I want to FEEL my music.
19. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Life has been an emotional roller coaster ever since...but I'm finally in a happy place.
20. I love to cook and bake! If I didn't have a full time job already, cooking for others would be my job!
21. There is no one person in this world who knows all of my secrets...I'm not sure that I even know all my secrets.
22. I love to write. Songs, poetry, lists, stories, song lyrics. .
23. I love to encourage people to be their best, to embrace the past as simply a chance to learn, and to put themselves first as much as possible. Focus on the positive things in life and let go of the bad!
24. I really REALLY don't want to be 30. REALLY.
25. I am blessed with amazing family and friends. With out them my life would suck...for serious. Even the ones I haven't gotten to personally meet yet make my life better. <3
2. I have 5 tattoos and I am not ashamed of them. Nor do I believe that I am damned to hell for having them.
3. To the best of my knowledge I have moved 27 times in my 29 years...maybe more that I can't remember.
4. I am straight up flaky about birthday cards. I buy them. I write in them. I even put stamps on them. And then 5 months later I find them at the bottom of a stack of magazines. I've tried to do better...it just isn't happening.
5. I shave the top of my toes.
6. I am a very proud member of the Smokin' Hot Mama Club... a facebook group of women from around the globe living life to the fullest and encouraging eacoher along the way. Best. Club. E.V.E.R.
7. I smoked (a LOT) for 10 years.
8. I've been smoke free since December 29th, 2010.
9. After believing for years that I didn't want to get married, EVER, I met Randy. We've been married for nearly 7 years now!
10. Though we have no children (and I'm finally OK with that) we do have four dogs. Junior, Zoe, Tucker, and my sweet little Molly. THESE are our children and believe me they know it.
11. I hate talking on the phone for the most part. I would much rather text, email, or even write a letter the old fashioned way with pencil and paper.
12. Black Friday is my 3rd favorite holiday after Thanksgiving and Christmas.
13. I am a Pepsi addict.
14. I work in a factory, but, I actually enjoy my job. I work with some of my very best friends and laugh almost all day.
15. My favorite color is pink. I even have a pink/black/zebra bathroom and it is beautiful!
16. I have not only participated in, but also finished, 2 half marathons. 13.1 miles baby!!! Planning on adding the 3rd and possibly 4th in 2012!
17. I have panic attacks while riding in cars. Mostly when we're on a major highway. I flip out and I'm not sure why.
18. Music moves me to my core. I love a song that makes me laugh or a song that rips my guts out or anything in between. I don't want to hear my music, I want to FEEL my music.
19. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Life has been an emotional roller coaster ever since...but I'm finally in a happy place.
20. I love to cook and bake! If I didn't have a full time job already, cooking for others would be my job!
21. There is no one person in this world who knows all of my secrets...I'm not sure that I even know all my secrets.
22. I love to write. Songs, poetry, lists, stories, song lyrics. .
23. I love to encourage people to be their best, to embrace the past as simply a chance to learn, and to put themselves first as much as possible. Focus on the positive things in life and let go of the bad!
24. I really REALLY don't want to be 30. REALLY.
25. I am blessed with amazing family and friends. With out them my life would suck...for serious. Even the ones I haven't gotten to personally meet yet make my life better. <3
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Someone Is Watching...
Did your mom ever tell you to behave when there were little kids around? "Little eyes are watching you and little ears are listening to you". Well...she was right. But I've learned this week that it's not just the little ones that are watching and listening, it's your husband, co-workers, and friends who are listening too. Maybe even someone you don't even know. I'm going to share with you a message I received on Facebook yesterday.( I left out her name just because don't know if she would want me to share it or not.)
I attended the SHM's retreat this year in Joplin. I am a relatively quiet person and never approached you because you were always engaged in a conversation with someone. I simply wanted to tell you that I was and am inspired by the energy you have along with the motivation you radiate. I wish I had taken a minute to introduce myself to you when I was there, however the shy side of me got the best of me. I am hoping that the opportunity will come again to meet you in person. Hopefully next time I will be more involved with the activities. I attended every function though I know I could have received a lot more out of the retreat had I opened myself up to interact with others more. You are a great example of what I believe a Smokin Hot Mama should be! I sent you a friend request, but I thought I should introduce myself so you would at least have an idea of who I am. I look forward to meeting you in person in the future.
I was so not expecting to read that before going to work on a Monday. But let me tell you something...I had a great 12 hour day at work. I felt like crap last night too, but this woman's words lifted me up above any negativity I may have encountered or felt and made me think that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something right.
I can not wait until I'm in the same room ith this woman again because hers will be one of the first necks I hug. She made me realize that,while the whole world may not be watching, someone is.
I used to be that someone, the one watching from the sidelines and wishing I felt more confident so I could actually participate. At the first SHMC pep rally in Joplin (2010) I was the girl who felt so out of place. I wasn't (nor am I now) a mama, I personally knew less than a handful of people, and although I am NOT a runner, I was about to participate in my first half marathon. But mostly, I was terrified of being judged by a group of women who didn't know me at all.
And you know what happened? I walked into that room and immediately I was being hugged. The energy in that room was more than positive...it was...life changing. They didn't care where I had been...they were just glad I was THERE. I left Joplin in 2010 a changed woman. I was no longer afraid to tell it like it is or to randomly laugh out loud about something that happened two weeks ago. My relationship with my husband has become stronger. My friendships have become truer. And my belief in myself has grown by leaps and bounds.
All it takes is a kind word, a hug, or a high five to change someones day. We should never be too busy or self absorbed that we forget that.
<3
I attended the SHM's retreat this year in Joplin. I am a relatively quiet person and never approached you because you were always engaged in a conversation with someone. I simply wanted to tell you that I was and am inspired by the energy you have along with the motivation you radiate. I wish I had taken a minute to introduce myself to you when I was there, however the shy side of me got the best of me. I am hoping that the opportunity will come again to meet you in person. Hopefully next time I will be more involved with the activities. I attended every function though I know I could have received a lot more out of the retreat had I opened myself up to interact with others more. You are a great example of what I believe a Smokin Hot Mama should be! I sent you a friend request, but I thought I should introduce myself so you would at least have an idea of who I am. I look forward to meeting you in person in the future.
I was so not expecting to read that before going to work on a Monday. But let me tell you something...I had a great 12 hour day at work. I felt like crap last night too, but this woman's words lifted me up above any negativity I may have encountered or felt and made me think that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something right.
I can not wait until I'm in the same room ith this woman again because hers will be one of the first necks I hug. She made me realize that,while the whole world may not be watching, someone is.
I used to be that someone, the one watching from the sidelines and wishing I felt more confident so I could actually participate. At the first SHMC pep rally in Joplin (2010) I was the girl who felt so out of place. I wasn't (nor am I now) a mama, I personally knew less than a handful of people, and although I am NOT a runner, I was about to participate in my first half marathon. But mostly, I was terrified of being judged by a group of women who didn't know me at all.
And you know what happened? I walked into that room and immediately I was being hugged. The energy in that room was more than positive...it was...life changing. They didn't care where I had been...they were just glad I was THERE. I left Joplin in 2010 a changed woman. I was no longer afraid to tell it like it is or to randomly laugh out loud about something that happened two weeks ago. My relationship with my husband has become stronger. My friendships have become truer. And my belief in myself has grown by leaps and bounds.
All it takes is a kind word, a hug, or a high five to change someones day. We should never be too busy or self absorbed that we forget that.
<3
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Beautiful
You know that feeling you get when someone right next to you gets complimented and you don't? Or when someone gets the credit for something you did? What about when you've worked your ass off cleaning your home and your husband comes in with grass clippings on his shoes an asks you to bring him a towel so he can take a shower in the tub you JUST cleaned while dropping dirty clothes behind him as he walks? Maybe that guy didn't call you back after your date. Maybe your boyfriend didn't call to beg your forgiveness after your last fight. Maybe you made the decision to smile at every person you walked past today and not a single one even acknowledged your existence.
The world has a way of making you feel pretty invisible sometimes, doesn't it? It can feel like no matter what you do, nothing seems to go right. Pretty soon you start to think that maybe it's all a waste of time to even try anymore. If no one notices what you're doing, if no one cares, what's the point? Right?
Well...I want you to know I care. Good job! High five! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! And you are SO beautiful. Please do not EVER give up on yourself because as long as I'm living I will always believe in YOU.
Now...close your eyes and just breathe. "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride..."
The world has a way of making you feel pretty invisible sometimes, doesn't it? It can feel like no matter what you do, nothing seems to go right. Pretty soon you start to think that maybe it's all a waste of time to even try anymore. If no one notices what you're doing, if no one cares, what's the point? Right?
Well...I want you to know I care. Good job! High five! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! And you are SO beautiful. Please do not EVER give up on yourself because as long as I'm living I will always believe in YOU.
Now...close your eyes and just breathe. "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride..."
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Random Music Musings...
Music, for me as well as many others, is kind of like my blood. I go to sleep with a song in my head and wake with a different one on my lips. I honestly can not drive a car, clean my house, or decorate a cake without my IPod in my ear. The instant a song starts I am assigning it to a particular memory or person.
I can tell you exactly where I was when I first heard "The Chain of Love" by Clay Walker (East 14 on my way to my sisters house for a birthday party, in front of the house with the alien carved into the tree stump). I can remember playing in the garage when I was little and singing "American Honky Tonk Bar Association" before I ever knew there was a real bar association. Or finding my brothers mixed tape with Sam Kinison on one side (NOT appropriate for children!) and "Mony Mony" on the other. Patsy Cline playing on the radio while my dad cooked baby back ribs o the grill. Singing New Kids On the Block songs to the cows in the field. I didn't listen to Garth Brook's "To Make You Feel My Love" for nearly 8 years just because it reminded me of him...and I didn't want to remember. And I sat in my car, in my driveway, at one o'clock in the morning and cried to "I Wish You'd Stay" the day after a dear friend moved away to Orlando. There are some songs that literally reach inside me deep into my very being and make me feel like my guts are being ripped out in the most beautiful "OhmyGodthatsongsaidexactlywhatI'vebeentyingtosayforyears" kind of way. Knock me to my knees and take my breath away kind of songs...those are my favorite's! I never see them coming!
I can't remember to mail a birthday card, but I can remember the words to a million songs...
It seems like music has honestly been the one constant in my life. I'm not saying I've endured more than anyone else, or that I had a hard life, or that you should feel sorry for me for anything. What I'm saying is when ever things get crazy and I feel like I'm losing my mind...all I need is a song to bring me back down a notch or two.
I've got big plans for the next few months, plans that I will share along the way. I'm sure I'll lose my temper, lose my way, maybe even lose a few pounds (PLEASE!!!!). First things first though...time to create the playlist for my early morning me time...I'm bringing "Sexyback" you know. ;)
Sing on friends...and if you ever have suggestions for songs that blow your mind...please share...
I can tell you exactly where I was when I first heard "The Chain of Love" by Clay Walker (East 14 on my way to my sisters house for a birthday party, in front of the house with the alien carved into the tree stump). I can remember playing in the garage when I was little and singing "American Honky Tonk Bar Association" before I ever knew there was a real bar association. Or finding my brothers mixed tape with Sam Kinison on one side (NOT appropriate for children!) and "Mony Mony" on the other. Patsy Cline playing on the radio while my dad cooked baby back ribs o the grill. Singing New Kids On the Block songs to the cows in the field. I didn't listen to Garth Brook's "To Make You Feel My Love" for nearly 8 years just because it reminded me of him...and I didn't want to remember. And I sat in my car, in my driveway, at one o'clock in the morning and cried to "I Wish You'd Stay" the day after a dear friend moved away to Orlando. There are some songs that literally reach inside me deep into my very being and make me feel like my guts are being ripped out in the most beautiful "OhmyGodthatsongsaidexactlywhatI'vebeentyingtosayforyears" kind of way. Knock me to my knees and take my breath away kind of songs...those are my favorite's! I never see them coming!
I can't remember to mail a birthday card, but I can remember the words to a million songs...
It seems like music has honestly been the one constant in my life. I'm not saying I've endured more than anyone else, or that I had a hard life, or that you should feel sorry for me for anything. What I'm saying is when ever things get crazy and I feel like I'm losing my mind...all I need is a song to bring me back down a notch or two.
I've got big plans for the next few months, plans that I will share along the way. I'm sure I'll lose my temper, lose my way, maybe even lose a few pounds (PLEASE!!!!). First things first though...time to create the playlist for my early morning me time...I'm bringing "Sexyback" you know. ;)
Sing on friends...and if you ever have suggestions for songs that blow your mind...please share...
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Moving forward means looking back...
Makes perfect sense, right? Ok...maybe not to anyone else, but for me it's true. I know that if I don't look backward and figure out what the hell I've allowed to hold me back for so long that I will never take that SECOND step forward. No, I didn't skip step one. We've all heard the old saying "admitting there is a problem is the first step". Done. Now...what's my flippin' problem?
There are probably more than I even know, but lets keep it simple since we're just getting started!
1. A (possibly) irrational fear that no matter what I do to be "better", it will never be enough. In my head it doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how fast I run because my body still won't work right!! I've yet to find a doctor who will tell me lose "this" much weight and you will be better off. If I could get someone to give me a set number to work towards I would be les inclinded to change it like I do when I set my own goal weight! (So come on and tell me a number!!)
2. A fear that I will fail again just like every other time I've tried...and in failing doors of critisism get blown open. There is ALWAYS someone ready to say 'i told you so'. I don't like those people...
3. A fear of the unknown. I'm a planner and a list maker. If I'm asked to do something or go somewhere out of the blue it totally screws with me and I'm apt to ignore you for a while because of it!! No lie! And all those little unknown speedbumps along the way terrify me! I'm just thinking about it and I can feel hives coming!
But that's just it. No, not hives...thinking. I'm so tired of thinking about things and not taking action. I'm so tired of eating frozen pizza when I honestly would rather have a slice of watermelon. I'm tired of drinking Pepsi when I know my body would feel better with a glass of water. I'm tired of laying on the couch being tired instead of getting up and waking up!
So, I'm making this promise now...to whoever may reading this even if it's just me..
I'm making a change today. I will eat healthy. I will exercise my body. I will push the limits of my mind. Starting today I will hold myself accountable because, really, nobody else can. Starting today I will no longer let yesterdays hurts hinder the happiness in my remaining tomorrows...
Watch me fly!!!
There are probably more than I even know, but lets keep it simple since we're just getting started!
1. A (possibly) irrational fear that no matter what I do to be "better", it will never be enough. In my head it doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how fast I run because my body still won't work right!! I've yet to find a doctor who will tell me lose "this" much weight and you will be better off. If I could get someone to give me a set number to work towards I would be les inclinded to change it like I do when I set my own goal weight! (So come on and tell me a number!!)
2. A fear that I will fail again just like every other time I've tried...and in failing doors of critisism get blown open. There is ALWAYS someone ready to say 'i told you so'. I don't like those people...
3. A fear of the unknown. I'm a planner and a list maker. If I'm asked to do something or go somewhere out of the blue it totally screws with me and I'm apt to ignore you for a while because of it!! No lie! And all those little unknown speedbumps along the way terrify me! I'm just thinking about it and I can feel hives coming!
But that's just it. No, not hives...thinking. I'm so tired of thinking about things and not taking action. I'm so tired of eating frozen pizza when I honestly would rather have a slice of watermelon. I'm tired of drinking Pepsi when I know my body would feel better with a glass of water. I'm tired of laying on the couch being tired instead of getting up and waking up!
So, I'm making this promise now...to whoever may reading this even if it's just me..
I'm making a change today. I will eat healthy. I will exercise my body. I will push the limits of my mind. Starting today I will hold myself accountable because, really, nobody else can. Starting today I will no longer let yesterdays hurts hinder the happiness in my remaining tomorrows...
Watch me fly!!!
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