25 Things About Me

1.  I am the youngest of 5 children and there is 12 years between myself and the next youngest...my brother. 

2.  I have 5 tattoos and I am not ashamed of them.  Nor do I believe that I am damned to hell for having them.

3.  To the best of my knowledge  I have moved 27 times in my 29 years...maybe more that I can't remember.

4. I am straight up flaky about birthday cards. I buy them.  I write in them.  I even put stamps on them.  And then 5 months later I find them at the bottom of a stack of magazines.  I've tried to do better...it just isn't happening. 

5. I shave the top of my toes.

6.  I am a very proud member of the Smokin' Hot Mama Club... a facebook group of women from around the globe living life to the fullest and encouraging eacoher along the way. Best. Club. E.V.E.R.

7.  I smoked (a LOT) for 10 years.

8.  I've been smoke free since December 29th, 2010.

9. After believing for years that I didn't want to get married, EVER, I met Randy.  We've been married for nearly 7 years now!

10.  Though we have no children (and I'm finally OK with that) we do have four dogs.  Junior, Zoe, Tucker, and my sweet little Molly.  THESE are our children and believe me they know it.

11. I hate talking on the phone for the most part.  I would much rather text, email, or even write a letter the old fashioned way with pencil and paper.

12.  Black Friday is my 3rd favorite holiday after Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

13.  I am a Pepsi addict.

14.  I work in a factory, but, I actually enjoy my job.  I work with some of my very best friends and laugh almost all day. 

15.  My favorite color is pink.  I even have a pink/black/zebra bathroom and it is beautiful!

16.  I have not only participated in, but also finished, 2 half marathons.  13.1 miles baby!!! Planning on adding the 3rd and possibly 4th in 2012!

17.  I have panic attacks while riding in cars.  Mostly when we're on a major highway.  I flip out and I'm not sure why.

18.  Music moves me to my core.  I love a song that makes me laugh or a song that rips my guts out or anything in between.  I don't want to hear my music, I want to FEEL my music.

19.  I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2005.  Life has been an emotional roller coaster ever since...but I'm finally in a happy place.

20.  I love to cook and bake!  If I didn't have a full time job already, cooking for others would be my job!

21.  There is no one person in this world who knows all of my secrets...I'm not sure that I even know all my secrets.

22.  I love to write.  Songs, poetry, lists, stories, song lyrics. .

23.  I love to encourage people to be their best, to embrace the past as simply a chance to learn, and to put themselves first as much as possible.  Focus on the positive things in life and let go of the bad!

24. I really REALLY don't want to be 30.  REALLY.

25.  I am blessed with amazing family and friends.  With out them my life would suck...for serious.  Even the ones I haven't gotten to personally meet yet make my life better.  <3

Someone Is Watching...

Did your mom ever tell you to behave when there were little kids around? "Little eyes are watching you and little ears are listening to you".  Well...she was right.  But I've learned this week that it's not just the little ones that are watching and listening, it's your husband, co-workers, and friends who are listening too.  Maybe even someone you don't even know. I'm going to share with you a message I received on Facebook yesterday.( I left out her name just because don't know if she would want me to share it or not.)

 I attended the SHM's retreat this year in Joplin. I am a relatively quiet person and never approached you because you were always engaged in a conversation with someone. I simply wanted to tell you that I was and am inspired by the energy you have along with the motivation you radiate. I wish I had taken a minute to introduce myself to you when I was there, however the shy side of me got the best of me. I am hoping that the opportunity will come again to meet you in person. Hopefully next time I will be more involved with the activities. I attended every function though I know I could have received a lot more out of the retreat had I opened myself up to interact with others more. You are a great example of what I believe a Smokin Hot Mama should be! I sent you a friend request, but I thought I should introduce myself so you would at least have an idea of who I am. I look forward to meeting you in person in the future.

I was so not expecting to read that before going to work on a Monday.  But let me tell you something...I had a great 12 hour day at work. I felt like crap last night too, but this woman's words lifted me up above any negativity I may have encountered or felt and made me think that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something right.

I can not wait until I'm in the same room ith this woman again because hers will be one of the first necks I hug. She made me realize that,while the whole world may not be watching, someone is.

I used to be that someone, the one watching from the sidelines and wishing I felt more confident so I could actually participate. At the first SHMC pep rally in Joplin (2010) I was the girl who felt so out of place. I wasn't (nor am I now) a mama, I personally knew less than a handful of people, and although I am NOT a runner, I was about to participate in my first half marathon.  But mostly, I was terrified of being judged by a group of women who didn't know me at all.

And you know what happened?  I walked into that room and immediately I was being hugged.  The energy in that room was more than positive...it was...life changing.  They didn't care where I had been...they were just glad I was THERE.  I left Joplin in 2010 a changed woman.  I was no longer afraid to tell it like it is or to randomly laugh out loud about something that happened two weeks ago. My relationship with my husband has become stronger.  My friendships have become truer. And my belief in myself has grown by leaps and bounds.

All it takes is a kind word, a hug, or a high five to change someones day. We should never be too busy or self absorbed that we forget that.
<3

Beautiful

You know that feeling you get when someone right next to you gets complimented and you don't?  Or when someone gets the credit for something you did?  What about when you've worked your ass off cleaning your home and your husband comes in with grass clippings on his shoes an asks you to bring him  a towel so he can take a shower in the tub you JUST cleaned while dropping dirty clothes behind him as he walks?  Maybe that guy didn't call you back after your date.  Maybe your boyfriend didn't call to beg your forgiveness after your last fight.  Maybe you made the decision to smile at every person you walked past today and not a single one even acknowledged your existence.
The world has a way of making you feel pretty invisible sometimes, doesn't it? It can feel like no matter what you do, nothing seems to go right.  Pretty soon you start to think that maybe it's all a waste of time to even try anymore.  If no one notices what you're doing, if no one cares, what's the point? Right?
Well...I want you to know I care.  Good job!  High five!  I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! And you are SO beautiful.  Please do not EVER give up on yourself because as long as I'm living I will always believe in YOU.
Now...close your eyes and just breathe.  "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride..."

 

Soapbox: Part 1

I will no longer be someone who enables others to live a miserable life. I will no longer tell people how they should live their lives. Instead, I will live a life of example. I chose not to let my past define my future. I chose not to look back longingly for what could have been. Instead I look forward to what will be! I'm not passing through life anymore in hopes that I may get to enjoy it " someday"....I'm enjoying it right NOW.
The reason I bring this up is because it is becoming apparant to me that when you are truly happy and enjoying life, there will be at least one person who will inadvertantly try to bring you down. Or maybe it's on purpose...and if that is the case we have an even bigger problem to deal with.
This is what has happened.  I'm happy.  Really, fo shizzle, happy.  And while I am surrounded by a wonderful and supportive group of friends and family, sometimes THEIR support groups aren't so supportive.  I've been sharing my journey with others who want to live a big life themselves...but they are being held back by the people who should be supporting them! Instead of saying "I believe in you and I encourage you to be your very best." it becomes, "Are you too good for me now?  Do I not make you happy anymore? I thought our life was good enough...why do you want to change things?"
My answer would be WHY NOT?  What is so wrong with wanting to live a BIG life?  Why would you want to to carry around your past failures and hurts like cinder blocks pulling you under the water when you can just... let it all go? 
My dear friend and mentor Pamela Crim (as well as her husband Lonnie!) calls them our packages.  The things we wrap up nice and pretty and tie bows around that help us NOT move forward in the journey to being our best.  They are excuses people.  And chances are every excuse you've got in your collection someone else has the same one or better.
Scared of being hurt again?  Who isn't?
Tried once already and failed?  It doesn't matter.
Did a friend stab you so deep in the back that you intend to keep everyone at an arms length for the rest of your life so it won't happen again?  Your loss.
You see the problem with the I'm scareds, and I can'ts...even the I won'ts is this...you stop living.  You don't grow by repeating yesterday...you grow by living TODAY. 
I honestly don't care where you've been...all I'm concerned with is where you're going and how I can help and encourage you to get there.