Random Music Musings...

Music, for me as well as many others, is kind of like my blood.  I go to sleep with a song in my head and wake with a different one on my lips.  I honestly can not drive a car, clean my house, or decorate a cake without my IPod in my ear. The instant a song starts I am assigning it to a particular memory or person. 
I can tell you exactly where I was when I first heard "The Chain of Love" by Clay Walker (East 14 on my way to my sisters house for a birthday party, in front of the house with the alien carved into the tree stump).  I can remember playing in the garage when I was little and singing "American Honky Tonk Bar Association" before I ever knew there was a real bar association.  Or finding my brothers mixed tape with Sam Kinison on one side (NOT appropriate for children!) and "Mony Mony" on the other. Patsy Cline playing on the radio while my dad cooked baby back ribs o the grill. Singing New Kids On the Block songs to the cows in the field.  I didn't listen to Garth Brook's "To Make You Feel My Love" for nearly 8 years just because it reminded me of him...and I didn't want to remember.  And I sat in my car, in my driveway, at one o'clock in the morning and cried to "I Wish You'd Stay" the day after a dear friend moved away to Orlando. There are some songs that literally reach inside me deep into my very being and make me feel like my guts are being ripped out in the most beautiful "OhmyGodthatsongsaidexactlywhatI'vebeentyingtosayforyears" kind of way. Knock me to my knees and take my breath away kind of songs...those are my favorite's!  I never see them coming!
I can't remember to mail a birthday card, but I can remember the words to a million songs...
It seems like music has honestly been the one constant in my life.  I'm not saying I've endured more than anyone else, or that I had a hard life, or that you should feel sorry for me for anything.  What I'm saying is when ever things get crazy and I feel like I'm losing my mind...all I need is a song to bring me back down a notch or two.
I've got big plans for the next few months, plans that I will share along the way. I'm sure I'll lose my temper, lose my way, maybe even lose a few pounds (PLEASE!!!!).   First things first though...time to create the playlist for my early morning me time...I'm bringing "Sexyback" you know.  ;)
Sing on friends...and if you ever have suggestions for songs that blow your mind...please share...

Moving forward means looking back...

Makes perfect sense, right?  Ok...maybe not to anyone else, but for me it's true.  I know that if I don't look backward and figure out what the hell I've allowed to hold me back for so long that I will never take that SECOND step forward.  No, I didn't skip step one. We've all heard the old saying "admitting there is a problem  is the first step". Done.  Now...what's my flippin' problem?
There are probably more than I even know, but lets keep it simple since we're just getting started!
1. A (possibly) irrational fear that no matter what I do to be "better", it will never be enough.  In my head it doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how fast I run because my body still won't work right!! I've yet to find a doctor who will tell me lose "this" much weight and you will be better off.  If I could get someone to give me a set number to work towards I would be les inclinded to change it like I do when I set my own goal weight! (So come on and tell me a number!!)
2.  A fear that I will fail again just like every other time I've tried...and in failing doors of critisism get blown open. There is ALWAYS someone ready to say 'i told you so'.  I don't like those people...
3.  A fear of the unknown.  I'm a planner and a list maker.  If I'm asked to do something or go somewhere out of the blue it totally screws with me and I'm apt to ignore you for a while because of it!!  No lie! And all those little unknown speedbumps along the way terrify me! I'm just thinking about it and I can feel hives coming!
But that's just it. No, not hives...thinking.  I'm so tired of thinking about things and not taking action.  I'm so tired of eating frozen pizza when I honestly would rather have a slice of watermelon. I'm tired of drinking Pepsi when I know my body would feel better with a glass of water.  I'm tired of laying on the couch being tired instead of getting up and waking up! 
So, I'm making this promise now...to whoever may reading this even if it's just me..
I'm making a change today.  I will eat healthy.  I will exercise my body.  I will push the limits of my mind.  Starting today I will hold myself accountable because, really, nobody else can. Starting today I will no longer let yesterdays hurts hinder the happiness in my remaining tomorrows...
Watch me fly!!!