It's no secret that I've dealt with insecurities and self confidence issues for a very long time. It used to keep me from living a life that left me filling happy and fulfilled at the end of each day. It kept me from reaching out to people, even just for friendship, because I thought I wasn't good enough to be one of the "cool people".
When I rejoined the gym earlier this year, I would go in, ear buds in the ears before i even left the locker room, get on the treadmill that had no one else close, do my thing, and leave. I didn't really talk to people, but I would see them. The couple in the weight room who were smiling while dripping with sweat...the woman behind me letting loose on the Arc trainer...the two girls working on the floor with the female trainer. I saw them...and I wished so much that I could have the confidence to strike up a conversation with them.
It took time and ZUMBA to help break me out of the safe little world I had created for myself. The more I worked out the more confident I became. Suddenly, it was a little easier to make small talk with the people I saw. Suddenly, I was making friends with people who not only had seen me at my worst, they were watching me work to become my best.
Last night I got to spend some much needed girl time with most of these women to celebrate my 35 (so far) pound weight loss. We laughed until we had tears in our eyes, I drank a "little bit" of tequila, and I realized how silly I was to ever be afraid of these people. I felt completely comfortable in my own skin and had THE BEST TIME. These women are some of the coolest people I've ever met and they have accepted me for me.
You see...I could have chosen to remain the painfully self aware person I used to be, but I changed my mind. I realized I'm better than that. I realized that I'm fun...no...I. Am. Awesome. And people need to know that. I changed my attitude about myself and what I'm capable of and it opened the door to new goals and amazing new friendships. I am so thankful for both because those friends push me towards those goals every single day without even knowing it. These days I go to bed at night completely exhausted. I give every thing I have to make sure I'm living a happy and fulfilled life each and every day instead of laying awake wishing I'd done something different.
