I've been missing some people lately. Not one person in particular, but that collective group of people who changed my life without even knowing it. The ones that were there, just for a second, before they had to go away again.
Some of them left because life was happening and it was just the logical next step. I've always said you can't grow by standing still...by letting the "what ifs" win out over the "I did's". So, to those of you who "did", I miss you, but I am so proud of you! I always knew you had it in you!
Some of them left because their purpose on this Earth was complete. I will never understand, or even pretend to know why it had to be so soon. All I know is I am so, so glad I was blessed to know you. Blessed to have called you my friend. To you I say thank you for being who you were while you were here...even if it was for just a moment.
And then there are those who left, then came back again, and then left AGAIN...over and over and over. The ones who always seemed to come back just when I thought I was "done". You know who I'm talking about. And even now, so many years later, they still manage to creep into your mind and loiter among your to-do lists and that song you've had stuck in your head for days. They come to you out of the blue in a dream, someone mentions their name in a random conversation, or maybe you swear you saw them driving out of a WalMart parking lot, in the same truck they drove 'back then', just as you were pulling in. Its almost like your own personal ghost that follows you around and shows itself just when you start thinking it can't be real...that it was never real.
But here's the thing...it was....WAS. It's easy to let ourselves be suffocated by a memory. It's easy to say "I wish things had ended differently". Easy to think that if you had just spoken up sooner or not said anything at all that you never would hurt. They were never that good for you, but still you justify all the heartache and tears by saying "they weren't ALL bad".
Here's a shocking bit of information...just because something isn't "all bad" doesn't make it sorta good. It doesn't mean that you should sit at home alone in your bedroom floor reading what he wrote in your yearbook forever ago. It doesn't mean you should blame yourself for loving him, him for not loving you back, his ex for "coming between you", or his mom for never approving.
It means you thank God for the parts that weren't all bad, and you thank Him even more for the parts that were. THOSE are the the things that made you into who you are today...and today you are amazing. Today you wouldn't let him do you wrong like he did then...so why let a memory suck the happiness out of your day? Today you are strong and independent, so why hang onto yesterday like it was all you have left in the world? Today you can say "I hope he's happy and I wish him the best" and really mean it.
So, I really mean it when I say miss you, I thank you, and I hope you are truly happy and that life is treating you well.
And when all else fails...fake it til you make it. :)
